Astonishing though this might seem, not everyone wants to work with me. 😜
The reason for this is that I am outspoken and direct. I don’t know how to hint, or beat about the bush, which I suspect has a lot to do with growing up in a Lancashire mill town – there’s not a lot of bush-beating happening in Heywood!
The truth is that not everyone wants to work with an outspoken and direct teacher, and that’s exactly how it should be.
If you want to spend time being asked to close your eyes and think about where you feel your coaching business in your body, then I’m not for you. If you’re looking for someone who talks about being soul-led or heart-centred, then I’m not for you.
If, however, you want a tangible, actionable process, then I probably am for you.
Universal Appeal Is Impossible
It isn’t possible to be palatable to everyone, because that’s not how human relationships work. Therefore, it’s far better to be utterly authentic and let people know who you are. For example, those who are repelled by my directness are better being repelled at this point than halfway through a programme with me when they discover I’m not the soft-and-fluffy type they hoped for. (To be honest though, I’d be amazed if anyone thought that I am soft and fluffy, which is the whole point of this article.)
This article isn’t about being like me – it’s about understanding that trying to appeal to everyone means we appeal to no one.
Be Authentic
Just show up authentically is one of the most useless bits of advice coaches are given when it comes to building a coaching business, because what does it actually mean? Literally – what are we supposed to do with that information? Without a solid marketing message into which we inject our own personality, being authentic often devolves into oversharing on social media. It’s excruciating to read, although other coaches love it and gush about how vulnerable the coach in question is being.
Your personality might not involve strong opinions like mine. You might be gentle, quiet, introverted, or contemplative, but you still need a clear perspective on who you help and how you help them. If you don’t and can’t articulate this clearly, then you will fail to build an effective client acquisition process.
Neutral Is Invisible
Let me go further by saying that it’s not possible to have an effective client acquisition process that is neutral. Neutral means trying to appeal to “anyone who…” and that is not – and cannot be – an effective way to attract clients.
Effective marketing has a WHAT and a WHO. What in particular do you help with, and who do you help? If you don’t know the WHO, it’s as ineffective as not knowing the WHAT.
When we try not to offend anyone, we don’t become universally appealing, we remain invisible. If no one recognises themselves in our message, they simply don’t engage at all. We miss every possible opportunity to connect because connection requires specificity, not generality.
How To Make Authenticity Work
Coaches often fail to understand the link between authenticity and effective marketing – you can’t have one without the other.
If our marketing message isn’t clear and strong, we’ll constantly feel like we’re faking it when we show up. We waffle, use vague language, or default to generic coach-speak (jargon) that doesn’t resonate with anyone. That makes it impossible to show up authentically because we don’t actually know what we’re supposed to be saying. We’re stuck trying to sound convincing rather than resonating.
If we flip this around and try to just be authentic without a clear, strong message, what comes out is messy. We share bits of our story, post things that feel good in the moment, or lean on clichés like I help professionals unlock their potential. None of that cuts through the noise that is our busy world, so it feels like no one’s listening – and because no one’s listening, we stop feeling authentic, we start second-guessing ourselves.
The Magic Is In The Combination
A strong message gives you the framework and direction, authenticity is what gives that framework life. Without a well-crafted message, our authenticity is noise. Without authenticity, our message is not well-crafted and is therefore hollow.
It’s not necessarily about being strong and direct like me. It’s about having a message that demonstrates knowledge and understanding of your potential client’s situation whilst also demonstrating massive empathy for it. You can do that quietly, gently, firmly, or boldly. The style is yours but the clarity is non-negotiable.
Learning By Example
When coaches first work with The Coaching Revolution, they don’t immediately understand this principle. After being with us for a while, they see that all the mentors and I are leading by example. We each show up as ourselves with a very well-developed marketing message.
I’m direct and cut through the nonsense. Other mentors might be gentler, more nurturing, or more analytical, but we all have crystal-clear messages about who we help and how we help them. That clarity allows our personalities to shine through effectively rather than desperately.
The Bottom Line
Some people will never want to work with me because of how I show up. That’s not a bug in my marketing – it’s a feature. The people who are attracted to my directness are exactly the people I can help most effectively. They want someone who will tell them the truth, not wrap it in bubble wrap.
Your potential clients want you to show up as yourself too. Not a watered-down, trying-to-please-everyone version, but the real you with a clear message about who you serve. The people who don’t want that version of you were never going to work with you anyway.
An Opportunity
If you’d like the opportunity for a robust conversation about this – or to just flat-out tell me why I’m wrong – why not join my next free challenge, Nail Your Niche? We run it several times a year. There’s even an option to upgrade to a VIP version, which gives you 3 x 60-minute group mentoring sessions with me for just £99 (inc VAT) – that provides us with time for a lot of robust conversations!
Are you ready to understand what authenticity looks like for your coaching business? Register for the next challenge by clicking here.