Last week, a coach I wanted to connect with not only refused my request, she also sent me a horrible message. It messed with my head. It said this:
I see we have a number of connections in common, so I accepted your invite. Your profile and what you/your organisation have to offer sound very interesting but I must say I am surprised by the amount of promotional material posted. LinkedIn is not just an advertising platform and whilst your articles sound intersecting (sic), they always end with promotion of your services, which is sad.
This message messed with my head. It messed with my head a lot!
Do As I Say, Not Do As I Do….
When I was a child, I hated the (non) explanation of ‘because I said so’ from adults. Yes, I asked a lot of questions, and the reason I did that is because I’m one of life’s curious. I like to know, to understand, to consider. I don’t like being told to just do something, without understanding why.
This is why this message and it’s effect on me left me floundering. If I could have a penny for every coaching client and indeed coach that I’ve told ‘take no notice’ and ‘it’s not your concern what other people think’ I could retire! Yet here I was, reeling from this message.
I think it did me good to reel. I’m very well managed emotionally and am great at separating what’s important to me from the perception of others. Until I got this message.
I was affected because I feel very, very strongly, that it’s important to make sure that coaches who are struggling know how to contact me. I also want those coaches to know that they have a home in our business-building focused community, Coaching Republic.
My Life’s Work
I believe that coaching can change the world. In my opinion, the world in its current state needs changing more than ever. Whatever I do, I can’t coach the whole world. Believe me, I’ve tried (!!) and it’s not possible for one person to do. I even wrote an article called The World Needs More Coaches.
However, I absolutely can help other coaches to find clients to coach. If I do that often enough, then my efforts will grow exponentially.
The more coaches that The Coaching Revolution can support to get paying clients, the more people can be coached. If I do this often enough, then I can play a tiny part in changing the world, one person at a time – right?
I wish that this coach hadn’t felt strongly enough to send me a nasty message (or what felt to me like a nasty message, I don’t suppose she didn’t intend it to feel as nasty as it did). I am very sorry I made her feel so bad that she felt she needed to vent.
I’m also upset and sorry that she finds my promoting what we do distasteful. The large numbers that we help, both as paying clients and for free in our community, reassure me that that what I do and how I do it is not distasteful.
Lastly, I’m sorry that she didn’t find me worthy of connecting with. A connection with me as the public face of The Coaching Revolution has proved beneficial to many coaches in all sorts of different ways.
I’ll Carry On, But Thanks…
What have I learned from this experience?
- That having your head messed with isn’t nice. It’s not nice at all. I am reasonably resilient to this type of thing, and being hit between the eyes (and in the feelings) so dramatically, has allowed me to remember what it feels like. Thank you for the lesson.
- That what we do is important. In the time I’ve spent analysing my reaction (over-reaction?) I’ve realised how very important what I do is to me. I want to change the world and I’ll carry on doing my best to do that.
- The people who understand what we do – and why I work the way I do – don’t feel the same as this coach.
- Our coaches succeed. They generate enquiries from people who understand what they do, and how it works. Those enquiries and subsequent paying clients are the holy grail for coaches. This is what’s important.
- My 9000+ other connections don’t feel the same, or they wouldn’t be connections, would they?
- Finally – I am not responsible for how this particular coach feels. There are a number of coaches who think it’s tacky to market and sell coaching, who think that it’s better to sit and wait for clients to come to them. This is great if they have a little black book full of appropriate contacts, or if they have one of the very rare coaching jobs that exist. If they don’t, then they need to learn how to market comfortably and I’m going to teach them to do that.
So thank you to this coach. You have taught me several important lessons. The most important of which is to not allow people to mess with my head.
Just to prove that I’m back from the land of the messed with;